A Really Tough One to Read

Ron here...

... sort of.

I stumbled on this entry in Beccee's mommy journal this morning. Consider yourself warned as you might find yourself getting very emotional reading this.

Thursday, Nov 2nd, 2006

To My Girls:

Mommy, Nana and Aunty Jennie are on a plane waiting to take off on a weekend to NYC. I'm nervous - I don't like to fly, even though I know everything will be fine, i'm still such a fatalist when I fly. You came in to the terminal to say bye-bye and I hated to see you gallop away from me with daddy to say goodbye.

A lot has gone on since I last wrote to you. We've been enjoying fall - going to the YMCA again - playing hide and seek with Daddy.

You're both so tall! Completely potty-trained. Sassy. Gorgeous!

Nana's sister, Aunt Cheryl died last month. She was young, 54. She died during recovery from anesthesia, a knee surgery. The hospital probably screwed-up - it was very sad. Nana was very sad.

It made me think a lot about where we all are and what would happen if I died. Would you remember me? Would I be missed? Would I leave a ripple in my time? Would my funeral be so sad - or happy? So, as morbid as this seems, and as "ever the hostess" I can be - I want a few things in writing to be followed through as best as possible.

Please let my funeral be all about music and memories and photos and poetry.

Ask my friends to sing and play.

I would love Amy Colonna to read or write a poem.

Tell Lisa Colonna that it's okay to laugh. She gets nervous laughter at inappropriate times.

I know I will live to be 90 so none of this should matter. But in my own crazy mind - I feel better getting it off my chest and saying these things.

Play lots of: Nina Simone, Amy Grant, Earth Wind & Fire, Stevie Wonder, Hoobastank, Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday, Prince, Allanis, Keith Green, Linda Perry, Luther Vandross.

Tell loud stories about my crazy life, laugh loud, cry loud. Kiss your daddy a lot.

Toast each other and your loved ones with excellent red wine and set aside a glass for me.

I want music with a mix of all my favorites playing at the church/funeral home and party at all times.

(The entry cut off there. It was probably time for departure.)