Let's Get the Band Back Together

Ron here...

Frankly, I feel a little strange recounting the last few days, but I know it's important to a lot of people, so here it goes...

This week for me was mostly about playing in the worship band. Tuesday, Tim Spransy and I finally nailed down the set list and we scrambled to figure out keys and get charts ready. We normally try to get those done much earlier, but life happens sometimes. We rehearsed with the full band on Wednesday night. I felt good going into the rehearsal since I had spent quite a bit of time for two days learning the songs. A big chunk of that time I focused on Maybe I'm Amazed. I studied MacCartney's singing approach to the song and tried to reflect his style as best I could. MacCartney does not sing very loud on the recording. His high parts aren't full on falsetto like Roy Orbison, but his head voice is far from full out screaming. It was a big departure from my normal singing style, which is pretty loud. I actually enjoyed learning it that way because I felt like I was stretching myself trying something new as a singer. After the first run through of it on Wednesday night however, it was not working. Not even close. I decided to do it full out, pretty much on the brink of screaming at times. It was better, but the whole thing was pretty rough since I had not rehearsed singing it this way.

I normally don't practice the worship set on Thursday or Friday to give myself a break, and I stayed true to that this week.

Friday night, I brought the girls over to Mike and Carol's for a sleepover with their cousins who were in from Minnesota. They were so excited and I was glad to get a break for the weekend knowing how much time I'd be devoting to the worship music. On our way over to the house, I got a text from a friend about another friend. His wife was in the hospital with complications during surgery to remove tumors. After getting the girls setup for the night, the first friend and I went to the hospital to pay a visit. It was a strange experience, but it seemed like the right thing to do. I left hoping our visit had helped in even the slightest way, and I later read a message that made me believe it did. There were lots of thoughts that went through my head during that visit, but the one that stands out the most was when I was standing in the hall with the friend I went with and the one who's wife was in ICU. The husband was giving us an update when we heard a strange noise from down the hall and he pretty much stopped in mid-sentence to check on his wife. It turned out the noise didn't have anything to do with her, but in that moment I vividly recalled being in the hospital with Beccee and doing the same thing. There is this hyper-awareness you get into and any little noise or movement can make you run down the hall or shoot up out of your bed. It's almost a sense of panic, but not quite there. Then again, maybe it is panic, but you're in that state for so long that you can't recognize it for what it is. Anyway, our visit was pretty short and we prayed together and I felt like I had done whatever it was I was supposed to do.

Later that night I met up with another friend to see Marcell play in Pewaukee. I didn't mention my earlier hospital visit to this friend because I really wanted to just hang out and have a good time, and I knew that story wouldn't be conducive to that goal. The rest of the night was a lot of fun and I got home late. Okay, really late. Despite the hour, I had a surplus of energy that evidently wanted to be released in the form of grieving. There is something about being home alone knowing I won't be interrupted by the girls and knowing that I won't wake them up that seems to lift certain limits on how intense my emotion will get. I was really upset for a little while, but eventually went to sleep. I know there are a lot of people thinking right now that I could/should have called them, but sometimes I have to go through this stuff myself. This was one of those times.

My voice was feeling rough on Saturday. Since the girls weren't around, I was free to go over the songs all day. I reworked how I was singing Maybe I'm Amazed and I was feeling really good about it. Saturday's afternoon band rehearsal went really well with the first four songs and then we got to Maybe I'm Amazed. The first time through, the band sounded great, but I was horrible. I could actually sense the concern of pretty much everyone in the room. I even briefly thought about asking to make a key change, but I knew it was too late for that. While we were on a short break, I prayed for help pulling the song together. When we got back from our break, we immediately tried it again and this time was much better and I got a little confidence back. When we played it for the 6 PM service, my voice cracked a bit, but it wasn't bad. I thanked God for His help while I drove out of the parking lot.

I attended Carol's birthday party in Pewaukee and visited with the girls for a while. Getting Millie settled and in bed was tough because she didn't want me to leave. We finally agreed on me tucking her into bed one last time and me promising that I would not leave the house until she was asleep. This was a perfectly acceptable compromise for her.

My plan was to go home, maybe watch a movie and get to bed early. Earlier than Friday anyway. Instead of watching a movie, I came up with the bright idea of watching the video Beccee left for the girls in case she died. It's about 30 minutes in length. Watching it feels like much longer and much shorter both at the same time. I had trouble even looking at the screen most of the time and I got really upset again, but I kept hearing this little voice inside my head telling me not to take it too far and do any more damage to my voice. It was actually kind of funny. Eventually, I calmed down and did watch a Will Ferrel movie. I fell asleep after 15 minutes.

I got up fairly early Sunday morning knowing I was going to need some time to warm up vocally. My voice was pretty rough from the previous day or two, but overall, I felt pretty good. I ran through things on my guitar first and sang in the car on my way in. Then I prayed again.

The beginning of the worship set went really well. Becky Sharpe sounded awesome as she usually does. Tim's e-bow was sweet and the rest of his playing right on the money. Brandon, who is a pro on drums, was in the pocket along with John Wheeler on bass, another pro. Brenda on keys was her typical wonderful self. Four songs in and we came to Maybe I'm Amazed.

The first verse is a little nerve-racking, because it's so naked. Piano and vocal. But by the end of it, I felt okay. The chorus is tougher though. I felt my voice cracking, but it was mostly holding together and for whatever reason (see that part earlier where I prayed), I wasn't worried. From there, I didn't think too much about anything and just played and sang the song. It was really fun, especially during Tim's guitar solo where I get to palm-mute the rhythm part through my modeled Mesa Boogie amp. Mmmmm... crunchy.

When the song ended, I was glad that it had went well and I felt calm. However, the way the congregation reacted with their applause triggered a wave of emotion in me, and I as soon as I got back stage, I lost it and started to cry. Humbled and overwhelmed, I pulled it together after a few minutes and kept it together the rest of the day.

Please say a prayer for my friend with cancer who is in the hospital for surgery. She needs your prayers for healing, peace and strength. Her family needs your prayers for peace, strength and comfort in Jesus' name.

Thank you,

Ron