First Post

Beccee's first email from May 24...

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So here it is. No BS. Fri, I had a chest x-ray for my asthma and there were some disturbing surprises. I was told there were some questionable masses on my lungs. We sought a second opinion after my family doctor prescribed antibiotics and called it "maybe pnemonia". He meant well and I thank him for the foresight to do an XRay. But we moved on. A dear friend of mine, Dr. Ann Merkow called in a million favors and found a pulmonologist to see me Fri night (YES! on the holiday weekend within 2 hours time! What a great friend! I cannot repay that kind of favor.) I had a CAT scan Fri night and I thought we would hear more on Tues. But Dr. Neuman called Sat morning and asked us to meet her at the hospital this morning (Sun.) Well the doctor's visit today was surreal. We saw the cat scan and xray and I have 2 masses to deal with. One rather large one on my right lung. The other sitting right in the middle by my breathing tube (probably not the correct medical term - but whatever) Right now, we don't know what they are. Tuesday I will have a bronchioscope (SP?) and the doc will take biopsies. She said within the first 24 hours she will be able to either rule out or confirm /tumor/cancer. If it is not that, then there is a short list of possibilities. Those we discussed were TB (the non-contagious kind?); fungus; Vasculitis (which is what my father had in his brain in 2001- and the one we're praying for because it's treatable with steroids)! The doctor didn't give me any sign of what she thought it might be. She had a stone face I couldn't read, but a really cool ring I couldn't help admiring... She did say it is serious and needs to be addressed immediately. There is talk about another more invasive biopsy that would require a chest tube for a few days afterwards, but we'll see. That's not the here and now. Right now I'm praying my ass off (pardon me) for fungus or Vasculitis. On Sat night a few of the lay pastors at my church annointed me with oil. The band, a few friends, Ron, along with the pastors, laid hands on me and prayed for me. Again, very surreal to be on the receiving end of that. But I was very comforted and calm going into the meeting today. And I still sense a lingering  "peace that passes all understanding", a bible phrase I never really understood until now. I'm not freaking out. I'm calm because I know it's in God's hands. He is in control. I do ask that you please pray for Ron. He's having nightmares and wakes up crying. But he's Ciclian! He's so emotional! (j/k) And I love him all the more for it. He is expressing the feelings I cannot, and I appreciate it.. He's been an awesome support. He's of course been amazing with the girls. I'm so lucky to have him. I'm incredibly fatigued. And I cough. ALOT! The pressure in my chest aches. But I know it's going to be okay. When Millie smiles at me or I hear Emma laugh, I know it's all going to be good. I really do feel that Jesus is standing guard at my left shoulder. I have felt Him there all day. And you wouldn't even believe me if I told you how many angels I watched shove their way into the exam room this morning. We were shoulder to shoulder with the power of God when the doctor showed us those masses on my lungs. I felt a presence like no other. A quiet calm took over and soothed my nerves. And if you're not a Christian yet, my friend, by the time this is over, you'll be sick of me and throw your hands up and give in! I am truly in His hands. We will all be laughing at Beccee crying wolf again in about a week. RIGHT? Right! (remember the weird bone in my back last winter?.....and NO it's not a tail!)  Pray for us. Pray for fungus! Better yet, Vasculitis is an easier fix! You can always call me on my cell if you want to talk. But I've been going to bed really early. Some of you have been really cracking me up with your messages and calls and I'm needing some good laughs! My Y-Chicks: I've been keeping in touch with Sharon and Tara so you can call them for updates.  My high school friends: You can call Colonna. (391-1148) My band friends, please call Amy P or Ron (391-4192). Family: call family. But most of all, please pray for good results and that God will guide Dr. Neuman's hands on Tuesday morning during the biopsy. Please keep Ron and Emma and Millie in your prayers. The girls don't know anything, so please, let's keep them innocent from this for now. We're just telling them it's Mommy's asthma. And after the all clear - let's have a really good glass of wine together! Your treat! haha Love you! Beccee 262-391-5863. ------------